don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
