You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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