he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
