yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
