Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?