It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car