Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
