Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
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FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*