Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
