Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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