my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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