Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
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i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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