if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
