so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
