she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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