I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
nutella sex= disaster
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm really busy with my period
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