all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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