the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts