Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.