sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It was a blind-side dick pic.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
