She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.