He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
