I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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