I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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