i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
