I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
