Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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