worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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