you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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