They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
