are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
