I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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