There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Let's paint friendship bongs
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
