I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
