Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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