just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
