just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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