The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
