i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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