Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
