first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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