moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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