can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
