I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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