I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
