Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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