Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
