Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
