then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
how drunk are you?
Several
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
