so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
