I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
