we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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