tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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