Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The beer is more important than you right now.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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