she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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