She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
