Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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