i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
