i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
