Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
