i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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