I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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