today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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