I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
