the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
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