is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
