Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
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his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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