i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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