Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
