I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The adults are the big ones right?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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