There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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