You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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