hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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