yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
