She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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