I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
