so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
