So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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