OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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