I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
