going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
