This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
