I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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