this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
