I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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