just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
