i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize