This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
